surgeworks

Alternate Title: Craving Death, a Video Game.

Persona 3. Released almost fourteen years ago in July of 2006, it’s not as well-known as its successor, Persona 4, but still enjoys a sizable fandom and is getting its own Dancing All Night spinoff to follow in 4’s tracks. With not one, but two updated re-releases on top of its own anime, Persona 3 was the original deal. Despite being the third entry—technically fourth—in its subseries, Persona 3 changed up the game a lot and began what most consider the modern day Persona series, laying the groundwork that would be improved upon in Persona 4.

Why does it enjoy such a huge fandom? Beats me, because as far as I can see and study, this is a very badly written game. It’s a mess of pointless plotlines, infuriating characters, 2spooky4me thematics, and symbolism done with all the subtlety of a thunderclap…..and a bitchin’ soundtrack, so there’s that. Admittedly, considering this game is the raw material that would later go on to make genuinely good titles, and was miles more complex mechanically than its predecessors, one has to cut it some slack, but I’ve already taken that into consideration and found this game to still be frankly just badly done.

That’s not to say that you can’t have fun playing Persona 3—I definitely did. I just think that at the end of the day, the game’s weaknesses shine through far more than its strengths in ways that speak to bad writing and design processes. I definitely wouldn’t pay another $20 to play this again (and indeed, I didn’t have to thanks to Sony having a heart).

Given that Persona 3 Portable is the latest re-release, please note that this is the version I will be playing. While I am limited to that version, I will also be making commentary on the original title, and how both it and this re-release compare to the more familiar entry of 4, as well as being extra hard on it due to the fact that it is the second re-release and things that should’ve been fixed were not. I will also be making commentary on The Answer, which was part of the first re-release, albeit not included on this one due to implementation issues.

I will also be playing the Female Main Character route, and 100-percenting. That is to say, I’m going to get all the Personas, do all the available Social Links, and defeat Theodore and Margaret—no matter how long it takes. I’m done when I’m done and not before. Or at least, I’m going to try—I’ll be using a guide, since I want to do this on the first run-through to preserve the difficulty.

Everything will be picked apart. Join me on this journey, which will net us our first guest sporker and will be tallied with the following counts:

DEATH IS INEVITABLE – for use whenever Persona 3 throws another brick-shaped death motif at my face. This game has an overarching theme, and insists on reminding me of it every five seconds as though I’ll forget, with absolutely no subtlety. This includes any parts of character motives or story events that include death.
Calm Down There, Edgelord – whenever Persona 3 is deliberately edgy. That obviously sounds difficult to pin down, but the big idea is: does this feature or detail that the game goes out of its way to point out seem like it’s actually beneficial in helping us understand the setting, or there to add some unnecessary dramatic flair? If something spooky just happened, yet doesn’t feel like it added much, this gets a point.
Villainous Cancer – The first of three character-specific counts. There are villains in this game, though calling them characters is generous. Atlus wants you to know they’re evil, but doesn’t seem to have thought up much beyond that. These villains ultimately shouldn’t exist, and that they do leaves them with the glaring flaws left by inept writers. This count goes up any time an antagonist does something to show off how eeeevil they are, or whenever they appear shoehorned or forced, whether by inference or not, due to the game needing villains to fight.
Romantic Plot Cancer – Whenever the romantic plot is doing a poor job of convincing me or damages my idea of the game or characters. This is generally confined to a series of late-game events and two characters, but golly gosh if it doesn’t make a man tear out his hair.
Ill Logic – Generally speaks for itself, but this is when logic completely fails characters, either blatantly or through inference. More specifically, this is for ill logic that can’t simply be waved off with “but then we wouldn’t have a game”.
Arcana Believe It – DEATH IS INEVITABLE’s little brother count. Suffice it to say that subtlety is a huge issue with this game, and that since it has decided the Arcana is an important theme, you will no more escape hearing about it than fly.
Bad Game Design – Again, speaks for itself, when a game mechanic is poorly implemented or could’ve been done a different way better. Most sporks serve the sole general purpose of critiquing writing, but as this is a video game spork, it would be negligent not to pay attention to gameplay. This will be our long-running friend, a constant on any and all video game sporks—even on more story-focused games.
WISTLH – “Was I supposed to like him/her?”, shortened to “whistle”. For whenever a character does something that is, frankly, asinine. Note that this is not supposed to be for mere annoying moments. Ostensibly, I am supposed to like these characters and think of them as my friends, even if they’re flawed people. This is for actions which would warrant a verbal kick in the dick at best and an actual kick in the dick at worst and should be reprimanded (whether or not a reprimand is actually given does not affect whether the point is given) and make me question my friendship with someone.
Aigis I’m Stuck With You – The best way to explain this count is that if I were sporking Persona 4, Teddie would also get one and Marie definitely would. I don’t want to throw around terms like Mary Sue, but to understand my beef with Aigis you have to understand the pain of feeling just how much undeserved importance the game designers shoved onto this one character to the extent of putting her to the fore of everyone else. One gets the impression at times that this game is less about its main character than her. It’s a shame I can only consider the Answer from memory, because this count would skyrocket if I had it in front of me today, though I will take it into account in the end. A more detailed explanation awaits at this count’s introduction.

Not all of these counts will advance quickly all the time; this is a long game.

Gameplay will be examined as the individual elements come along, with the exception of party members, who will get a small analysis at their introduction and a more thorough analysis at the end of the spork. Story and actual characters will be much more straightforward.

Considering this is an RPG, and what’s happening onscreen can be kind of important, the first couple chapters may be rather image-heavy, but once the big beginning is done, that should cool down quickly.

Chapters:

S	M	T	W	T	F	S
					1	2
3	4	5	6	7	8	9
10	11	12	13	14	15	16
17	18	19	20	21	22	23
24	25	26	27	28	29	30
31

Persona 3 Table of Contents

Persona 3 Table of Contents

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March 2024

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