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Alternative title: New Dorm, New Disasters
Welcome to the spork! As I warned of in the ToC post, the first chapter or two will be largely image-heavy! It won’t last. And while I had planned to have a capture card by this point, alas, that's not how life works, so we'll be continuing with plan B, (the route I had gone in 2018 when I wrote these first two entries). With that in mind, a million thanks to Chris Caine, who graciously allowed me to use his footage for that purpose!
Chris: So, to start off, we get two fairly nice opening movies with good theme songs for the price of one: Soul Phrase and Spring of Birth. After that, we’re treated to our opening menu. I select “new game”.
> Welcome to the world of P3P.
> In this game, you can select the gender of the main character.
> Next, choose a difficulty setting.
And here is where we run into some problems. Persona 3, as an Atlus game, can be hair-rippingly difficult. And I want to play on normal, so that I can give the most accurate show of the balanced game. I’m hoping that I don’t regret not choosing a lower one—seeing as I’m trying to 100% right now. We have Beginner, Easy, Normal, Hard, and Maniac. Normal it is!
> Now, please enjoy the game.
A blue butterfly crosses our screen. We’re given a Zelda-esque white-text-on-black page of verses that reads as follows:
“Time never waits. It delivers all equally to the same end. You, who wish to safeguard the future, however limited it may be… You are given one year; go forth without falter, with your heart as your guide.”
We see clouds parting to reveal the full moon. The screen whites out, and we a see city scene with the caption:
> Terminal station, evening…
> The station entrance is buzzing with activity…
Meanwhile, elsewhere, we are shown a scene of a girl in a pink cardigan gasping. She’s sitting down against a kitchen counter and holding her head. The titular verse of Burn My Dread is playing quietly on loop in the background.
“I just… put it to my head…”
???
“And pull the trigger...”
That was fast.
DEATH IS INEVITABLE: 01
If there is any one thing this count is going to tally, it's this sort of hamfisted-ness. Some games like to weave in their over-arching themes subty, offering reminders every now and again of something important to the title. This is not that sort of game, and we are going to be hit over the head like this a lot. Otherwise you might forget that death comes for us all, you see.
She insists that she’s not going to chicken out. We get shown her putting what looks like a gun with the inscription of “S.E.E.S.” on the side to her head.
But, she can’t go through with it and we hear the gun drop to the ground.
We fade to black, hear a train horn, and cut to inside the New City passenger train “Anehazuru”. Google Translate was unhelpful with that. According to the conductor on the intercom, there’s been a malfunction on the rail switch system, so the rail schedule’s been changed. The next stop is a town called Iwatodai, the larger scope of our setting.
Another blue butterfly passes. 
The train stops. We hear people getting off. The intercom announces that this is the final train bound for Tatsumi Port Island—our main setting.
> You arrived late...…
> It's almost midnight...…
We are shown a clock ticking to midnight, then shattering. Electronics shut off, and everything is bathed in an eerie green light. Considering this is the game’s opening, I’ll be kind and not award that an Edgelord this early. However, of note is:
Yes—we do not get 3D worlds for this game. Persona 3 Portable plays entirely as a set of static screens navigated with a point-and-click. The only time we get 3D models is inside our dungeon levels and during a select few cutscenes.
That’s…..pathetic. I get that the PSP might not have the best hardware, but the original game that came out in 2006 was in 3D. FES was in 3D. We have downgraded. And this is on a Vita! That does get a point. In fact, it gets a point for every animated environment we were deprived of that I can think of off the top of my head. Counting the places, that's...
Bad Game Design: 10
It appears that our heroine is as confused by all the green light as we are. She wisely decides to head to the dorm. Can’t do that without noticing that the city’s full of coffins lining every street. Ow. 
DEATH IS INEVITABLE: 02
We turn upwards, and notice a…gibbous moon? Wasn’t it full earlier? Either way, it’s glowing and green and ominous. We walk back to our destination—Gekkoukan High School, Iwatodai dorm.
We get welcomed in by an odd boy wearing striped pajamas. He sounds so creepy it’s almost like he’s doing it on purpose. C’mon Chris, resist the point…He says that he’s been waiting a long time, and holds a slip of paper out for us. According to him, if we want to stay here, we have to sign this contract. We shouldn’t be scared, he says (oh, but we should), as it only binds us to accepting full responsibility for our actions.
“I chooseth this fate of mine own free will.” is written on it. I….I’m sorry, I tried.
Calm Down There, Edgelord: 01
Was there any need for this? I don't think most teenagers would willingly sign something like that to begin with, especially not without any context. The clock strikes midnight, everyone’s in coffins, a creepy boy is handing me contracts talking about fate and free will. It may just be the first two minutes of the game (yes, two!), but that definitely earned its point.
We sign our name, and thus we choose our MC’s name. Mistic plays.
Our name shall be Chris, our last name shall be Spork. Creepy Boy isn’t done with us yet, and announces that “Time is something no one can escape. It delivers us all to the same end. Wishing won’t make it go away.”
*Eye twitch* I really didn't ask, Creepy Boy. That told me nothing. And considering how this game plays out, I’m finding this particular set of lines grating. Anyway…
Calm Down There, Edgelord: 02
For being faux-philosophical. And, because I know they’re talking about DEATH,
DEATH IS INEVITABLE: 03
> The unknown boy disappeared, as if melting into the darkness.
A voice we’ll recognize asks who’s there—it’s the girl that we (the player) saw pointing a gun at her head. *Grimly* Hello, suicidal girl.
She seems shocked at our arrival, asking how it can be. And thereafter seems suspicious. Our FemC notices the gun in her hand and we’re rightfully a tad alarmed. Another girl comes along before we can remark on it, with beautiful red hair. The lights come back on just after she walks up. 
We’re introduced to Mitsuru Kirijo, the girl with the red hair, and Yukari Takeba, the seemingly-suicidal girl in the pink cardigan. Yukari’s a high school junior, like our heroine, while Mitsuru is a senior. As Mitsuru explains, we are a transfer student who was assigned here last-minute, and we’ll be put into a “normal” dorm at some point. Yukari is still spooked about us, but Mitsuru seems fine. Yukari eventually loosens up a little. Given a set of responses, which one seems most appropriate?
> "Nice to meet you."…
> "Why do you have a gun?"…
> "Isn't this a normal dorm?"…
Caught having to explain herself as a 17-year-old girl carrying a lethal weapon in notoriously gun-strict Japan, Yukari says it’s “...sorta like a hobby? Well, not a hobby, but—”
Mitsuru cuts in and explains that it’s for self-defense. Crime’s getting worse, after all. She assures us that the gun isn’t real before telling us we’ll find our room on the third floor. She advises we tuck in, and Yukari offers to show us the way.
The furthest door on the right is our room. This plays.
We’re also given a calendar display in the upper right corner, telling us it’s 4/6*M, or Monday, April 6th, with three days until a full moon. As it’s midnight and it says “Evening”, I’m not sure if it’s technically the sixth or the seventh, we’ll find out tomorrow.
Yukari asks for any questions, and we’re given the choice to mention the contract or ask about the boy. I choose the latter. Either way, Yukari’s not in the know. She asks us the loaded question of ‘was everything okay’ on our way here. I ask her what she means, and she thinks about calling our bluff before just saying ‘Nevermind’. Bidding that we save any other questions for later, she says goodnight and leaves.
We are now told we can move our cursor around, doing so faster with the O button, and can mess around with icons with the R button. Triangle brings up options, and….why am I telling you this? It’s not relevant and I already gave it the point. Well, we’re limited to our bedroom to enjoy the music until we decide to click on the bed.
The day transitions to the 7th, and we wake to Yukari knocking on our door. She’s pleasant, and says that Mitsuru asked her to take us to school. With our agreement, we get on the train. More music! 
Yukari accurately guesses my astonishment that people actually take a monorail to high school. She says she enjoys it, and then describes Tatsumi Port Island to us as a man-made island, in the middle of which they built Gekkoukan High. One wonders why they didn’t just build the dorm next to it while they did so, but I digress.
We arrive, and Yukari drops us off after letting us know where the faculty office is. She leaves, after asking us not to tell anyone what we saw last night.
Passing a snack vendor, a crotchety old teacher, a teacher excited about samurai, and a painfully stereotypical French transfer student, we enter the faculty office. A teacher who looks alarmingly similar to Yukari greets us, and starts flipping through our files.
She’s shocked to find something to do with our parents in 1999 (this game taking place in 2009, so ten years ago). Wait for it. She introduces herself as Ms. Toriumi, teaching composition. We find out we’re in her class with Yukari, but for right now, we need to head to an assembly.
Our small principal repeats a proverb to us that we’ll be ignoring. We’ll also be ignoring the pervy-sounding students talking about us nearby. Unbidden, memories of Bella Swan return to me. After that, homeroom is abruptly over, and we hear a boy’s voice.
Well hello there!
This is Junpei Iori, and as I’ve noticed, he’s cute as fuck. He’s also nice enough to greet us and try to make us feel welcome, having once been a transfer student himself. Yukari interjects, sensing that he’s trying to hit on us. Reminding me forcefully of how this kid gets later on, she asks if he ever wonders if he might be bothering someone. No, as of now, he’s just being friendly.
Yukari remarks on being in the same homeroom, and I suck up by being complimentary.
> “Yeah, I know.”
> “It took me by surprise.”
> “I’m glad to have a friend.”
Yukari is taken aback and flattered, and Junpei promptly feels ignored, and then he remarks on us ‘cuties’ walking into class side by side, and that the whole class was buzzing about us.
….Anyway. Yukari lets us know that she’s off to archery club, and warns Junpei not to “try anything funny”. She walks off, Junpei complains about being treated like such, and then assures us that he’s seriously not here to hit on us before letting us know to talk to him if we have a problem.
I like this Junpei. I’m gonna hate what happens to him later.
> ….Junpei caught up to you in the halls and persuaded you into letting him walk you back to the dorm.
Junpei mentions jocks and school clubs to us, and advises us to join one. Before we know it, we’re back at our dorm, with Mitsuru welcoming us back. When we talk to her, she advises us not to be out late at night. We walk by Yukari, who says that we should probably head to bed early. We save at the sign-in sheet.
We head to bed, but are treated to cutscenes afterward. 
A silver-haired boy mentions to Mitsuru that he’s going out. He asks her if she’s seen the news lately, and she says that yes, she’s heard about all of those people who’re developing acute cases of Apathy Syndrome despite having no problems before. What is Apathy Syndrome? ‘They’ (professionals) say it’s due to stress, but the silver-haired boy says that it must be ‘them’. Silver-haired boy expresses some confidence, Mitsuru raises an eyebrow, and he assures her he’ll be fine on his own, as he’s ‘just getting a little practice’. After he leaves, she sighs and says that “This isn’t a game, Akihiko!” Intrigue! Quotation marks!
The next day, Wednesday 4/8. We’re on our way to school and hear two girls discussing a rumor about a freshman girl who stopped coming to school. Apparently, she just sits and stares at the walls, and mutters ‘it’s coming...it’s coming!’ if her mother tries to talk to her. The bell rings before they can go into more length, but clearly that’s Apathy Syndrome at work.
We go to class, and Ms. Toriumi talks about an author called Zenzou Kasai. She complains and says she’d rather be reading Utsubo Kubota, someone she likes who’s famous as a singer, but also writes literature. Snapping at Junpei, she questions him about her favorite author. Rightfully not paying attention to an off-topic teacher, but caught with his pants down, he asks us. We give him the right answer, and our charm increases.
That’s one of the game mechanics, you see. You have three attributes—charm, academics, and courage. We just increased the first one a little. We’ll need to get these up to proper heights to bond with people.
We go back to our dorm. Iwaitodai Station plays again. Yukari’s there, talking with a guy in a beige suit. Beige-suit, introducing himself as Shuji Ikutsuki, says he’s the Chairman of the Board for our school. ‘What board’, I ask, but my voice is not heard. Ikutsuki talks to us as if we’re not familiar with Japanese pronunciation from all that damn anime, and says it’ll be a little longer before we’re out of this dorm. 
> “Why did you come here?”
> “Who else lives here?”
> “I saw something odd.”
> “No, not really.”
He tells us that the only four students here are us, Yukari, Mitsuru, and Akihiko Sanada, a senior. Ikutsuki rudely remarks that worrying is bad for our complexion when asked the third question (we have the option of asking two). He then makes a bad wordplay and incorrectly calls it a pun and thus immediately gets on my shit list of characters who make me drag my hands down my face.
We go to bed early. Cutscenes continue on, undeterred.
We are alarmed to find that Ikutsuki is in some sort of computer room with Mitsuru, monitoring us. He tells her to wait and see before she can finish her question, and ominously says “the Dark Hour is approaching”. 
We then cut to an unfamiliar back alley. A random man is listening to random radio tunes on a device made by Kirijo Electronics (!) that announces the time is now midnight. The clock shatters again. Radio man is scared and confused by everything shutting off and turning green. Blood and black liquid starts to pour from his face and hands and black smoke surrounds him.
Calm Down There, Edgelord: 03
We cut back to the dormitory. Ikutsuki is watching us sleep. Ikutsuki holds our hands and explains for us the player that the Dark Hour is an extra, “hidden” hour that occurs every day at 12:00 midnight. “During this time, an ordinary person transmogrifies into a coffin, and is oblivious to all that occurs.”
Calm Down There, Edgelord: 04
The first is for the fact that no, the man can’t simply turn into a coffin or manifest one around him. He had to bleed from his orifices and wail before being swallowed up into one. The second is for the entire process—we have confirmation by Ikutsuki that this happens to most of the people in the city every single night. And...nobody ever remembers it? Nobody’s confused when midnight hits and they wonder why they’re disoriented and covered in blood? As far as these people know, no time has passed. That whole scene could’ve been left out. There’s no real point to this—you could just have normal people not experience the Dark Hour at all and vanish for its duration.
DEATH IS INEVITABLE: 04
Yukari, who is also here, notices that this hasn’t happened to us. We’re getting an extra hour of sleep, fuck yeah! Ikutsuki then remarks that the only thing left to wonder is whether or not we have “the potential”, and yes, it sounds as vaguely conspicuous and loaded as you think. Just say ‘Persona’, man. It’s not like anyone’s around to overhear you.
He remarks that we must, of course, or ‘they’ would have preyed on us by now. They agree to continue watching us in our sleep, and Yukari is the only one to bother feeling bad.
> “Master...”
> “Master Chris Spork...” 
After an odd dream transition sequence, we zoom through a blue door. We find ourselves in a ridiculously spacious blue elevator moving upwards at a rapid pace. An absurdly creepy long-nosed man in a suit greets us, welcoming us to the Velvet Room. People new to Persona: pay attention.
This dude’s name is Igor. While spooky-looking, he’s harmless, and is quite polite. According to him, the Velvet Room exists between dream and reality, mind and matter. Only someone who signs a contract can enter it. Thus, we’re given access. According to Igor, this is where he’ll help us hone our unique ability.
Igor repeats that the only thing asked of us is to accept responsibility for our choices. What this means, we’re not sure yet. Igor doesn’t give a shit says that’s fine. He gives us a key to the room. He also lets us in on the fact that there’s one more (two more actually) resident(s) of the room that aren’t here to see us. We’ll be introduced later. We exit the dream sequence, moving on to 4/9.
We wake up, and go to school. Junpei is there to meet us at the gates. He’s sleepy, and shamelessly advises us to sleep in class if we’re tired. Man, I’m liking this guy more and more by the minute. Take note, as ‘Tired’ is a condition we can in fact have, and which will affect us a lot. Of course, if we sleep in class, we don’t get to hear the lecture and lose out on that.
Mr. Ekoda, our Japanese Lit teacher, sounds like Mr. Binns in Urban Fantasy form, but meaner and whinier. We’re given the option to sleep in class, but deny it. Our Academics increases for it.
After school, Yukari takes us over to the Paulownia Mall, where Way of Life plays. It’s a popular after-school meeting place. There’s karaoke, an arcade, a cafe, a nightclub, etc.
When we get back to the dorm, Mitsuru is there to do what will become the usual welcoming. When we talk to her, she say that the networked computers are there to send the school reports about “daily life” at the dorm. Sly. Yukari laments that there’s not a dorm mother around anymore to do cleaning and cooking. Oh, and the moon is full tonight!
With nothing else to do, we head to our room. Again, once we’re in, the only option is bed.
The Dark Hour takes place again tonight. We cut to the others once again watching us sleep. Ikutsuki remarks that we haven’t experienced any negative side effects associated with being a Persona-user awakening ‘the potential’. Yukari expresses discomfort with treating us like a guinea pig (thank you, Yukari), but Ikutsuki brushes it off: they need new members.
A beep! An emergency call from outside rings out! Some sort of Crisis? Mitsuru picks up, and Akihiko’s at the other end. And it seems he’s fleeing from something big and monstrous! 
He’s also headed straight back to the dorm with it on his tail. Yukari freaks out, and Mitsuru barks to Ikutsuki to suspend observation—they need to get ready to fight off a big one.
Akihiko bursts in, saying he’s alright, but that they need to be prepared: ‘it’ will be here any second. Everybody talks about it without actually saying what it is to preserve the tension, and I can’t muster but minimal annoyance with it. It’s not an ordinary one, is what they know.
BANG. Something shakes the room. Shadow plays.
Mitsuru orders Ikutsuki to take cover and tells Yukari to wake us up and get out the back with us. Yukari asks what they’ll do, and they’re going to fight of course!
Loud noises wake us up, and before we can look outside, Yukari is frantically knocking on the door. 
She’s freaked out, and before we can ask questions, we’re on our way downstairs and out. Before we can get anywhere, Yukari looks around and finds a weapon for us: a naginata.
………
…………….?
Why a naginata? The male MC in this game uses a simple one-handed sword. I would wonder backhandedly if that was just too masculine for the FemC, if a naginata weren’t penis-shaped. Still kind of wondering that, actually. Seriously though, this? Even if I could see a sword lying around waiting to be picked up….a naginata?
Oh well, let’s go.
We’re at the rear entrance of the first floor of the dormitory—that’s ground floor, I guess. Yukari tries to say that we should be safe, but Mitsuru buzzes her on her walkie talkie and lets her know that there’s more than one enemy and that they need to be careful. The one they’re fighting isn’t the one that was chasing Akihiko earlier—so it might be nearby.
BANG. Time to run the other way!
On the next floor, we hear another bang, followed by the sounds of large footfalls getting closer. We keep moving, and on the rooftop, we lock ourselves out. Too bad the monster’s out here with us.
Animated cutscene?! Holy shit!
Crawling up the side of the wall and onto the rooftop is a shadowy creature seemingly made of dozens of arms. Half are being used to walk, the other half are holding swords, and one is holding a mask with ‘I’ on the forehead. Back in the control room, Akihiko and Mitsuru freak out on our behalf.
Yukari helpfully informs us that this beast is called a Shadow. She then remembers, oh yeah, she has to fight. She reassures herself that she can summon her [Persona], and we’re given a battle intro shot. 
Another animated cutscene follows. Yukari points the gun at her head, apparently attempting to use it. But before she can, the Shadow blasts her with fire, knocking her away. The gun slides our way, and we bravely point it at our own head.
Faced with blasting our head off with a reportedly fake gun or getting either burnt or smashed to death by Mistral 0.1, we choose the former. Whispering ‘Persona’, we pull the trigger.
And then a giant monster came out.
Said giant monster is an odd-looking robot man with long flowing red hair and a harp on his back. The Shadow advances! But before Robot Harpist can do anything, we begin to writhe in pain, and scream in sync with the summoned robot! It explodes, bursting into an even more terrifying robot monster!
That fucker with the eight coffins chained to its shoulders like wings promptly smashes the Shadow into a pulp in a rage!
*Ahem.*
DEATH IS INEVITABLE: 08
One for Yukari, one for us, one for the method for Persona-summoning being pointing a gun at your head and pulling the trigger at all, and one for Coffin Monster.
Bad Game Design: 11
And that, because as you might’ve noticed, even the 3D animated models have gotten a downgrade. The hell kind of budget were they working on for this re-release?
Welp. We’re safe, but hurt, as is Yukari. Back in the control room, Ikutsuki, Mitsuru and Akihiko are flabbergasted. Coffin Monster floats for a moment before transforming back into Robot Harpist. 
> The sudden swell of power has subsided. Orpheus has regained its original form.
> You have obtained a new Persona!
Robot Harpist vanishes. Yukari asks if it’s over, and alas, it’s not. Little bits of the Shadow are still moving around, so it’s cleanup time! Yukari is freaking out, so it’s up to us to act!
Wiping All Out plays.
Our command roulette, as you’ll notice, is a revolver chamber.
Is it worth it…? Yeah, it is.
DEATH IS INEVITABLE: 09
Those little puddles with masks and hands are referred to as ‘Cowardly Mayas’. We take out the first one with two slashes from our feminine naginata, taking two return hits, and then a third before we get to summoning our Persona and using its only move, ‘Bash’. Said move is pretty badass, admittedly, and involves Robot Harpist lifting that giant harp over its head and slamming it down onto the puddle, turning it into a somewhat flatter puddle. Note that it takes 5 of our 50 health points to do this.
All done, we’ve gained a small amount of experience. Thus, we level up! We get an extra 30 HP and some SP (Spirit Points). We’re actually at Level 3, not 2, which is helpful. Oh, and this plays.
> You are now able to create Personas up to level 3!
Orpheus has also leveled up, increasing three of its five stats. We’ll get to those later. We also learn a new skill, Agi, which we’ll also get to later.
Exhausted, we lose consciousness.
We then wake up, or something like it, in the Velvet Room.
We’ve just awakened our ability, the usage of a “Persona” as Igor explains. It’s a manifestation of our psyche. Igor explains a little bit of Jungian psychology. If you know anything about that, you’ll know that a Persona is a mask or facade you put on to function throughout daily life. This aspect of personality, in these games, manifests as a being that can protect us. Igor also explains that we can strengthen our Persona with Social Links, or relationships with other people. Igor quickly says goodbye, saying that we’ll come here of our own accord next time.
Falling unconscious doesn’t net any points. What does net points is being unconscious for a whopping ten days. Not a week, ten days. It’s April 19th when we come out of that fucking coma.
Calm Down There, Edgelord: 05
Side note, aside from being edgy, that’s a trope I’m sick and tired of. Strong but unskilled hero uses a massive burst of power at a critical moment and then conks out for entirely too long seemingly for dramatic effect because they’re just that strong and used so much power. It was 2006, but even back then, this wasn't new.
We wake up in a hospital. And that’s where we’re going to have to stop, because this is about where we can say the first half hour of the game draws to a close. Next time, we’ll find out more about what the hell just happened.
Total counts so far:
- DEATH IS INEVITABLE – 9
- Calm Down There, Edgelord – 5
- Villainous Cancer – N/A
- Romantic Plot Cancer – N/A
- Ill Logic – 0
- Arcana Believe It – 0
- Bad Game Design – 11
- WISTLH – 0
- Aigis I’m Stuck With You – N/A
Table of Contents | 02 - Tartarus
